The Dragon and Saint George

As an independent dragon, I have found life quiet pleasant. Dragons usually travel in packs. They’re SUPPOSE to travel in packs, but I want to be on my own. My flock had a weird mountain-fetish; all they wanted was to fly among the clouds, sleep in ice cold caves, and have endless discussions about which family’s mountain was the tallest. (My mother and I lived in a very short one; only one man had died climbing it). But I longed for the color green, for warm summers, to live among other wild animals! So, as soon as I turned 5 (15, in humankinds years) I spread my wings and flew down to the lowlands, head first. I can still hear my mothers loving farewell words: “HONEY! If this is about a girl, I promise you, she’s not worth it!”

The river was as beautiful as I pictured it: Long, winding, sparkling, wet, and full of FISH! I sneaked slowly up to the waters edge, and trying my best to crotch like a tiger (whatever that might be!), I raised my paw, spread my claws wide open, and peered into the bubbling water trying to figure out which fish was the biggest.  At the same time, however, two men came walking along the river, carrying a gigantic net, sticks and worms. They gasped at the sight of me, drawing my attention. I turned my head at the sound and was stunned to see them standing there, still as statues.

“How delightful!” I thought. “Humans doing everyday life activities! And in much less clothing than I was use to them wearing as they did high up in the mountains. I could actually see their Faces!… Well that’s a let down, they look really quite boring”

I blew some smoke rings to salute these men; just as us dragons give salute to each other. The men screamed, turned around and dashed off like roadrunners. “Huh, I thought, that was a bizarre experience”

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Meanwhile, in a near by village:

–         Warning, warning! Dragon! DRAGON!

–         We have seen a dragon! It is a vampire dragon, and it plans to drink all of our blood!

–         It has come to burn our village into ashes!

A woman hearing this ran to her neighbors and cried:

– The children! It will take all of our children away! I heard dragons like to eat children’s brain!

Her neighbors ran around town screaming:

–         It will burn all of us alive! Its blood thirst is unstoppable! We’re DOOMED!

–         DRAGON, DRAGON! The whole town screamed.

The princess who was trying on her newest jewelry heard the screaming.

– Gosh, can’t people realize some of us have important things to do and need to concentrate! She opened her bedroom door and called for her father:

–         Daa-ad! Some homicidal dragon is going to drink your blood and eat my brain!

After hearing the disturbing news from his beloved daughter, The King sat down to think of a plan. Now the town was low on sweets, and didn’t have many horses (The Queen owned most of them, much to the king’s wonder), and was economically drained (The weapons for the army cost so much money after all, dammit!) BUT, they we’re flooded with sheep.

–         So be it! The king proposed to the people. The Dragon will get two sheep from us a day!

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Next morning, two skinny, shaky men came to me, each carrying a dead sheep over their backs. They threw down both sheep and took off.

“That’s disappointing” I thought, “Seems like humans are always in a hurry to get somewhere else” I looked at the sheep. “Ah! The Humans are welcoming me and saluting me as a friend! They want to be pals with me!” thrilled by this thought, I gobbled down the two sheep. Their meat was soft, and warm, oh so warm! The fish, on the other hand, are slimy and cold. Humans had certainly gotten it right with this one!

So every day they would give me two sheep to eat. It was always the same men that gave me the sheep, but they always left without a word. It was a bit depressing, this behavior: Here’s the sheep, sorry we didn’t grill them on an open fire, but anyways, bye bye, see you soon. However the sheep was such a strong symbol of rare friendship, that I fully accepted this behavior. Not only was the food good, but eating them gave me a sense of belonging.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Meanwhile, in the village:

The worst had happen: the village was out of sheep! They could no longer give the dragon the sheep in exchange of their lives!

–         What shall we do? I want to live; I want my children to die old!

–         All I have is my house, if the dragon burns it down life will be meaningless!

–         Calm down, calm down, our king will come up with something!

The situation was getting desperate and this made the king scratch his head.

–         Okay, we got a dragon, now what do we know about this dragon? Well, it’s big, light-green, yellow eyes… What else did the sheep-givers say, dear?

The king asked The Queen.

–         I think they said it’s a male.

–         Really? The king lifted an eyebrow. Then I think I might now how to solve this problem.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

One day, instead of the skinny men coming to give me the sheep, there came a skinny young girl, with water spilling from her eyes, and WITHOUT A single SHEEP! She walked slowly towards me, her clothes dirty, bare footed, hair messy and slimy-looking.

–         Hello, mister dragon? I’m a human sacrifice, she said, gasping for air after every word. The King has sent me here.

She stood there head bowed and wobbling, as I lay down. We were like that for hours, just looking at each other. I started to dig a hole in the ground with one of my claws and mentally sighed.

“When are my two sheep going to be here?” I thought. The girl’s eyes were all red, but they weren’t leaking anymore.

–         Aren’t you hungry? She asked.

“Oh yeah! I want my sheep!” I muttered under my breath. The girl looked around, and giving me a nervous look, she dashed off, giving it all she got, running straight into the woods. That was a new direction for the situation at least…

The day after another girl showed up, bare footed as well. Her skirt was torn, and she was quite pale. But neither did she bring any sheep. She at the first opportunity ran into the woods as well.

A third girl showed up, hair dirty with shoes on her feet – but with holes over the entire surface. This girl eyes were not leaking, but her voice had an aggressive tone:

– The king sent me. Since you’re a male dragon, you probably want young girls to munch on. Stupid moron king thinks he’s so big. He could throw a lottery to pick a girl to sacrifice, BUT NO! WE with dirty skirts go first!

Now I was upset. I was hungry, I was confused, I couldn’t care less about the girl’s skirt, and I just wanted the tender, warm meat of a sheep. I started to make a whining noise. “WHY? Why? why?” I cursed. Had I done something wrong? Were the humans mad at me? If only I could talk to them!

–         Well, I won’t stand for this! I’m leaving, FOR EVER! The girl marched towards the woods.

“Greeech! Greeech!” I called, trying to say: “Wait! Wait! What I’m a going to eat?” As embarrassing as it was, I had completely forgotten how to fish. I was going to die!

The next day, I was desperately trying to catch a fish with my claws. I realized that living is the ultimate struggle, sometimes you’ve got to eat food that taste like rocks to be able to eat food that taste like honey later. It was then that I saw a new girl strolling along the river towards me. She was wearing a long, sapphire dress with a golden tiara, her eyes chocolate brown. She had high heels as well. (I never understood those kinds of shoes; they make it impossible to run!)

–         Damn those hicks! Stupid dad with his stupid power! Letting the people talk him into gambling which girl to sacrifice next! I AM WAY TOO IMPORTANT FOR DRAGON FOOD!

So this was another angry girl? Well, as long as she gives me food…

–         I MEAN, ME! I’M A PRINCESS! I STAND FOR ROYALTY! THE OTHER GIRLS DIDN’T MEAN A THING! But I…

“Geech!” I interrupted, trying to say: “Sorry, I know nothing about important people”.

–         Oh god, oh god! The Princess gasped, her face becoming pale and she

started to shake so badly that her jewelry was making a bit of an irritating “ding-bling”-sound. I sighed and went back to my fishing. I wondered if princesses can eat fish?

Then, down a hill came a knight riding on his white horse. His name was George no. 1, since he had 4 other brothers that had the same name, and this is because the mother had been too lazy to give them all different names. He was armed with nothing but a couple of knives and a gigantic sword. History would know him as Saint George. When he saw the princess standing next to me, shaking with (unexplainable) fear, he raised his sword up into the air and cried:

–         Young lady, have no fear! I’m here to rescue you!

“Splendid!” I thought. “This seemed like an okay guy!  Maybe he will give me the sheep!” I ran towards him, as his horse galloped towards me. Oh, it was so great! He was as eager to meet me and to give me the sheep, as I was to eat them! Oh, finally, I would AAOOOAAAA!

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

George no. 1 slaughtered the dragon by punching his sword right through the heart. As a symbol for his love to the princess, he gave her a beautiful rose and a kiss on the forehead. Then he rode off with his new name Saint George.

–         Idiot

mumbled the princess, as she crushed the rose with her high heels.

She then returned to the village, where everyone gathered in celebration for the rescue of the beautiful princess. No one ever thought of morning the death of the three girls with dirty clothes, who actually now live in the woods, and have created a tribe known as the amazons, nor for the dragon who craved green valleys and loved sheep.

Advertisements