As a Child

As a child

I played with stuffed animals

Mother tried to give me dolls

But I knew

That unlike the animals that silently must stay in your presence

The dolls will grow into adults one day

And not like you anymore

As a child

I had trouble moving very fast

I couldn’t be one with the other girls

So I was one with slugs and the leisurely insects.

As a child

I had a best friend who wanted to design her own house

It had three kitchens

I drew dragons

I wished to marry one

As a child

My best friend gave me a “best friend’s forever card”

I Wonder where she was able to buy such a card?

She started at my school

I asked her to play with me

She said my games didn’t go anywhere

She fell in love with boys.

She asked what kind I would like.

A smart one I said. One that engulfs himself incessantly

In tiny text.

And what else? She asked

As an early teen I went to her right of passage party.

I wanted to congratulate her but she couldn’t seem to see me.

Her brother spoke to me.

As an early teen I couldn’t go to her parties.

I longed to go but

She told me in inattentive tones that

She knew I would be bored.

As an early teen boys picked on me for wearing make up.

They thought my skirt was too short and my top too tight.

They wanted me to not wear so much black.

I wanted them to smile at me and say I’m cute.

Like they did to the other girls with make-up.

Improbable.

I only want one child.

Mother says five.

I only want one child.

Mother says three.

I only want one child.

Mother says twelve.

Doesn’t mother wonder, like I do,

What rights do we have to produce

Too many children into this already filled world?

As an early teen I realized

That my friend and me had grown apart

Strange thing to grow apart from someone who

Is almost like a sister to you

I thought

As if we had ever really been close.

My friend got other friends

And a boyfriend.

A smart one.

With eyeglasses.

And I

I got a goldfish to watch over.

I noticed that its eyes resembled those

Of my friends boyfriends.

As a child my friend had played with dolls.

She probably would have many children.

I would have one.

To my mother

Same as none.

As a child

We grew up as sisters.

As early teens we split

She tormented me with her happiness

Which never lived in my home.

I tried again

To have a special friend

I had another almost sister

But she had problems seeing me too.

My goldfish swims happily

In its empty bowl.

Is it aware

That I’m it’s companion?

As a child

I loved dragons

They were strong, with breath of fire

They Flied

And in the end

They were freed from the princess

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